Big Macintosh Derps a Friend
by Blast.of.Sunshine
Summary: Big Macintosh is required to go on an errand for his sister. What happens when he finds out that the pony who is supposed to help him fulfill this errand is none other than the infamous DERPY HOOVES! One-shot. Big Mac Derpy fluff.


It was a beautiful summer day. With clear skies, chirping birds, and happy ponies everywhere.

Big Macintosh walked through the streets of Ponyville, running errands for the family business.

He always hated this part of his job.

It wasn't that he hated Ponyville, it was just that he was awkward around other ponies. City ponies especially. _Horsefeathers! _Mac told himself. _If my sisters can make it through this city, then I can too!_

The red colt was headed for a certain filly's house, the name of it he couldn't quite remember. _What was it again? _He pondered. _Dibbly Dee? Doily Doo? Droopy Shoes? Ah! It don't matter much! Applejack said I'll know it when I see it._

Big Macintosh looked for the next 45 minutes, but couldn't find that house! This is when he remembered, all houses in Ponyville look the same. The colt sighed and decided to take a break and head to the park.

_Why couldn't the founders of Ponyville have made it more, uh… architecturally diverse, or however ya say it? _Big Mac griped in his head. He had read some books about architecture, so he knew Ponyville didn't have much to offer.

The farm colt sat on a bench and sighed loudly. Why did running a simple errand to get a recipe have to be so hard? Big Mac turned his head towards the sky above, where the pegasi soared.

And then quickly down again, as he noticed something out of the ordinary.

A house, built with the same style as every other. But it had a few odd accessories added to it. Pots containing various flowers and plants stuck out of the walls, as if glued there. The door looked as if it was about to fall off the hinges, hanging awkwardly in front of the door. Various pictures of muffins were strewn about the outside of the house, some upside-down. And a word Big Mac had never seen before in all of his life was spray painted on the windows. It read "MOFNZ" in big messy red letters.

The pony who owned this abode was obviously in need of psychological help.

_Maybe this is what sis was talkin' about. It looks pretty outta place t'me. _Big Mac walked up to the house, afraid for his life, and gently knocked on the door. Once, twice, thrice.

"I COME TO THE DOOR QUICK AND ANGRY, LIKE A CAT COVERED IN MAYONAISE!" A high-pitched female voice roared. The colt at the door was taken aback by the interruption of the quiet afternoon.

_Maybe I should run, _Big Mac panicked. But it was too late. A lavender hoof kicked the door ajar, revealing a cross-eyed silly- filly doing a hoof stand.

She looked up at the red colt at her door. Then she grinned and said, "YOU MUST BE BUG MEXICANTALK!"

"Big Macintosh." He corrected. Said pony wasn't so scared for his life anymore, just pondering this pony's sanity.

"Ah yes! So sorry! My name Derpy Hooves! Eppaljeck told me you were coming to see me. For what was it, now dat I foget…"

"I'm here to pick up a muffin recipe. My sis wants ta make apple muffins an' see if they'll sell."

"So I now see! Came insid, plooze!" Derpy said, holding her arm towards the inside of her, um, home.

The errand colt had no idea what she said, but took a guess and stepped inside. Derpy did her best to close what was left of her door.

"Now where is you, wecipe?" The crazy filly asked her cabinets as she searched them for the "wecipe".

"A ha ha _ha_! Fund it!" Derpy giggled as she held up a piece of paper. From where Big Mac was standing, it looked like gibberish and scribbles.

He thanked the lavender filly, but upon closer inspection, said "Uh, Miss Hooves? You wrote each step of the recipe backwards."

Derpy frowned. "Oppsy doozy. Wait! Just hold wecipe up to a murrur, and VIOLIN! WECIPE MAKE SENSE!"

Her guest sighed, "If you say so." It was actually kind of funny. He smiled, "I best be takin' mah leave. G'bye, Miss Hooves."

The filly replied "Tank you for visit to me. I no get much company, 'cause everypony tink I weird."

Big Mac felt pity for this pony. She was so lonely because she was different. _She prolly just needs a friend, _he thought.

"I don't think yer weird." The colt mumbled.

Derpy gasped "Really? Tank shu! Jooz my bestest fwend now, 'kay?" She choked her guest into a tight bear hug.

"'Eeyup…!" Big Mac gasped, his face turning blue. His host released her death grip.

Applejack was in the house when her older brother returned home in the late afternoon.

"Where in the hay have you been, Big Mac? It doesn't take that long to get a gosh darn recipe!" She scolded.

"I couldn't find the house at first. All the houses here look the same. Anyhow, here's that wecipe you needed." He lay the recipe on the table.

His sister gave him an odd look. "Did you say 'wecipe'?"

"…Did I? Well, sorry. I dun' forgot you was such a grammar hound." The oldest sibling teased. "Anyways, I'm off to the fields." He said.

"Work hard!" His sister called after him.

"'Eeyup."

Applejack walked over to the table and looked at the recipe.

"Wait…THIS HERE RECIPE IS BACKWARDS!"


End file.
